As former president Barack Obama says, “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.” Is this true for the Austin High cafeteria? I’m here to find out.
Hi, it’s me, the Cafeteria Crusader. Or, as many prefer to call me, Mr. Steal Yo Girl. In this issue of the Maroon, I’ll be guiding you through the breakfast options at Austin High.
It’s Monday morning. You’re tired. Feeling glum. Worst of all, you forgot to grab breakfast on the way out. Your stomach’s growling all over the place. What a terrible start to the day. “If only there was some easily accessible and cheap way to get breakfast on campus,” you mutter to yourself. Well, there is! And it’s not as bad as you think it is!
The breakfast options at Austin High are, contrary to student belief, actually super duper. They’re a healthier alternative to other breakfasts around the city and are consistently of phenomenal quality. Guaranteed to make your morning better. The best part about breakfast is the diversity and creativity it allows, so let’s dive into the lineup of your choices.
Every breakfast, the cafeteria offers a few constant items. They have cereal, for which they offer little serving packets of brands like Chex Mix, Cocoa Puffs, Trix, and, the best one, Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Paired with milk, these can all be pretty delicious. Though I have met some people who just eat it raw, I would not recommend this at all.
Another constant item they offer are muffins, of the blueberry and banana variety. They’re fantastically made. Though tiny, these muffins are very dense. The only downside is the packaging they’re in. There’s nothing more embarrassing than not being able to open a muffin wrapper in front of all your peers. Plus, it traps the condensation and makes the muffins inside a bit wet. The same goes for the Snack’N waffles and the Corn Stars. The Snack’N waffles have two flavors, blueberry and confetti. The Corn Stars have one flavor, corn. All are afflicted with this packaging curse.
The last two items that are always on the breakfast menu are also the best ones. These would be the yogurt parfaits and the breakfast tacos. Holy cannoli. Oh my goodness gracious. Where do I even begin?
The yogurt parfait is a lot like Kevin Hart: easy to pick up. It’s a perfect grab and go cup, containing granola, gurt, and fruit, which changes every week. The parfait is a pretty good method for getting some vitamins into your Monster Energied stomach. In addition, you get to mix the ingredients of the parfait yourself, providing a great opportunity for hands-on learning.
The breakfast tacos, in my opinion, are even better. Bacon egg and cheese, bean and cheese, and potato egg and cheese. Austin is a breakfast taco town and that legacy is carried on through these supreme tacos. I personally like the bacon egg and cheese the most, because I’m not much of a bean guy, but they’re all fantastic. The tacos are pretty mobile as well, coming in tinfoil that you can take on the road. There’s also a scrumptious salsa you can add on top. It’s pretty mild, but it creates a whole new dimension of flavor for the taco.
Now, aside from the constant items, which are there every day, the cafeteria also offers a changing entree. There’s a lot of these entrees, and for some of them, I’d probably just recommend getting a taco instead, but a few do stand out. I’ve made a list of my top three. On mornings when one of these three are out, they’re definitely the move.
Coming in at the #3 spot is the chicken biscuit sandwich. This baby is on the menu every Wednesday, and it sure deserves it. It’s very simple, just chicken, bread and a smidge of honey. A wonderful item. The only problem with the sandwich is the structural integrity. It falls apart rather easily, and the biscuit can crumble. However, the savoryness more than makes up for it.
Next up, in the #2 spots are the french toast sticks. This dish comes and goes, but it is one of the more popular ones on the breakfast menu. It comes with three sticks of french toast goodness and an optional sausage link, for palate cleansing. At the register you can throw on some syrup as well, taking the sticks to the next level. Your tongue will be so happy. The french toast sticks used to be number one, but I had to take them down a spot because they made my breath smell funky. Overall though, a spectacular and admirable bite to eat.
Before I talk about my favorite thing on the breakfast menu, I do, sadly, have to address my least favorite: the Tangerine juice box. Beware. It’s the evillest item of them all. Making orange juice healthy is not a good idea. Sometimes I take one of these just to give it to my opps. I am a proud hater of the Tangerine juice box. However, its counterpart, the Apple juice box, is actually quite good. It’s fun, flavorful, and you can carry it in your pocket. The stupid Tangerine cannot compare.
Finally, at the #1 spot, the champion of the cafeteria, is, definitively and indisputably, the sausage, egg, and cheese bagel sandwich. You have to eat it to believe it. This sandwich will put the break in your fast. While the bagel sandwich is more niche than the french toast sticks, its flavor reigns supreme. Ever since I started eating these, my quality of life has greatly improved. In conclusion, the bagel sandwich is a most dope experience. If Christiano Ronaldo went to our school, he’d be having this.
There you have it. The ultimate guide to your breakfast choices at Austin High. But I’m not finished yet. These dishes would be nothing without the passion put into them. Let’s talk about the people behind the meals.
In the beginning, there was nothing. Then, the lunch ladies arrived. Getting to the school as early as 6:00 AM to start making that bread, the cafeteria workers at Austin High are incredibly devoted. It’s clear to regulars of the lunch line just how much effort they put into every little meal. “I wish people knew how hard we work.” Says Argelia Cathey, the manager of the Austin High cafeteria. “I think it would be good if everybody knew how much food we serve, and how good the food is.” I agree with her. Austin High offers breakfast to students each and every day. Not many choose to use this opportunity. This is why I’ve devoted myself to a mission of spreading the word about the Austin High cafeteria, about the flavor it contains. There’s such a negative connotation with school cafeteria food, but the Austin High workers prove all this wrong. They really do put love into every meal. I hope this article can reach just one plebe freshman who’s never had school lunch before, and convince them to give it a try. Breakfast at Austin High is a saving grace to myself and other hungry kids in the morning. It’s because of Argelia and our eight cafeteria workers that we get to eat. It’s because of them that the Austin High breakfast makes Barack Obama proud.
